The Dark Knight Rises!

Speaks for itself....

Whats The Buzz, Tell Me Whats'a Happening

With Facebook and Twitter who needs a personal blog any more? Meh, right? Well I'm posting something just for the sake of posting! So Nah!

Awesome girlfriend and all round amazing person, Leash, is celebrating her 30th in Phuket. While she is away she is leaving me surprises all around the house for random smiles.

The first surprise popped up not long after she left. A note on my copy of F1 2011 for PS3......



Next a Calendar reminder popped up on my phone with a special sweet message.

Leash has hinted that there are more surprises on the way for me to find. I'm feeling pretty loved! This should help get through the next 11 days stuck at home enjoying the sweet smell of two year olds poo and tripping over toy mine fields while she is partying in a foreign country.

Can't Forget This!

I just wanna save this so I can embarrass her with it in years to come! Téa on Sunrise! So what is her favourite hat?

Or this......

Téa Smith appearing on 92.9 Breakfast radio Perth by Téa Smith

One more...

J&S Introduce Australia's Most (Read: Almost) Desperate Woman: Téa Smith by joshuawithers

Day 08 - A Song That You Know All The Words Too

Whats the point of doing this if you don't get a little embarrassing..... Partners in Kryme! TURTLE POWER!!!

Day 07 - A Song That Reminds You Of A Certain Event

Seriously? These questions suck! Hmmmm well the word event made me think sports and the best sporting event of our generation was Mark Webber winning the 2009 German GP! The song they played, Advance Australia Fair of course!

So that is what I have, our national anthem. Just for a change lets spice it up a bit with Adam Hill's version.

Day 06 - A Song That Reminds You Of Somewhere

This doesn't just remind me of a place. It puts me back to Vic Park in spring 1996.

Day 05 - A Song That Reminds You Of Someone

I wont say who or why but this scene from Almost Famous reminds me of someone. Actually the whole movie makes me think of someone but you want a song, not a movie.

Day 04 - A song that makes you sad

In 2003, singer/songwriter Elliot Smith stabbed himself after a domestic with his girlfriend. Smith died a short time later in hospital. Suicide had always been a theme close to Smith throughout his life as he suffered with depression. It's been said that during the last few years of his life, thoughts of his death weighed heavily on his soul.

Late by Ben Folds is Ben's heartfelt message to Smith after his suicide. It's takes you to a place where you think about all the people you have known that have passed.

An Emotional Response

After a week of continual bombardment of horrific images from Japan its hard to be as distressed as you were the first time. Occasionally a video comes out of Japan that shows a personal side that makes it real again. Pretty powerful images, I didn't make it past the girl making it into the building before it got to me.

Day 03 - A song that makes you happy

Awww come on!!!! Really? OK, but this one will probably turn up in a later question too. I had never really listened to it till I saw the opening scene of Lost season 2 where we first meet Desmond.

A Little Bit of Hope

So much crap on YouTube of singers who cant sing. Thankfully, there is an occasional standout. You need to at least watch the first one.

Day 02 - Your least favourite song

Seriously, how am I meant to answer this one? Anyway, what does it even mean? The least of my favourites? So of the list of my favourite songs, what is the least favourite? Who knows, I'm already thinking this 30 day thing is getting harder than its worth.

Lets try this.....

Day 01 - Your Favourite Song

This is my favourite song today. It might not be tomorrow but it's fun.

The 30 Day Song Challenge.

Remember the 30 day challenge? People blogged about themselves in a TMI fashion for 30 days. Some, includig me stopped after the first few days. Well, I thought this idea might be more fun. I might learn something about myself (Probably not) but I will have fun rocking out. Some of the questions look a but hard. Some thinking definitely required.


(Excuse the formatting, copied straight from somewhere else and Im not fixing it!)
day 01 - your favorite song
day 02 - your least favorite song
day 03 - a song that makes you happy
day 04 - a song that makes you sad
day 05 - a song that reminds you of someone
day 06 - a song that reminds you of somewhere
day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event
day 08 - a song that you know all the words to
day 09 - a song that you can dance to
day 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep
day 11 - a song from your favorite band
day 12 - a song from a band you hate
day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure
day 14 - a song that no one would expect you to love
day 15 - a song that describes you
day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate
day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio
day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio
day 19 - a song from your favorite album
day 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry
day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy
day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad
day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding
day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral
day 25 - a song that makes you laugh
day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument
day 27 - a song that you wish you could play
day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
day 29 - a song from your childhood
day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

The Day After My World Changed Forever

I'll always remember this day as the day after Mina was born. Mina was about 22 hours old when Rove Live was interrupted for live vision of the World Trade Centre on fire.

9 Years later this footage has been released under Freedom of Information laws by the National Institute of Standards and Technology. If they felt it was worth fighting to release, I'll give it a look.

What A Difference 3 Years Makes!

I can't believe how much my life has changed in the last 3 years. 3 years ago I was living in Darlington with my wife and 2 kids. I worked 5 days a week and I actually thought my marriage was doing OK. LinkArtist was growing and moving forward and, for the most part I thought everyone was happy. We were even trying for a baby!

The average weekday would be; Up at 5 to make the 30 minute drive to work. Drive a bus for most of the day. Days generally consisted of split shifts so if I had a long lunch break I would use them to either gain overtime, read a book or socialise. I would get home by 7.30 and eat a dinner cooked by T before helping the kids to bed and loading the dishwasher. Night time might be an episode of Dexter before falling asleep by 10.

It's easy to see in hindsight where it got stale, especially for T who for the most part was pushing shit uphill with her business while taking care of a 2 yr old at home full time and a 6 yr old at school. It's also easy to forget that was also the time when my mental health started degrading. The memory blocks out the bad times but they were there.

Today my life is totally different! I live in Atwell with my 3 kids and I'm divorced. I no longer drive a bus, instead choosing to follow my dreams of being a published author (even if I know nothing about novel writing). I am enrolled in university through OUA studying for a degree that will be awarded by Griffith University in Queensland. I blog, tweet, Facebook and look after my kids 86% of the time. My mental health is awesome and gets better with every passing day. I'm happily dating and if the right girl comes along, open to marriage.

Now my average weekday would be; up and 6.30, later if I can get away with it. Feed and wrangle the kid to get them to school. Home from the school trip by 9, I spend time with my baby, Angus, till about 10. Angus chills with some TV till 10.30 when I put him for a nap. I write, blog, tweet, email and study from 10 through lunch till the end of school. Once the kids are home they are fed again and I try to do the housework. There is no point doing housework while they are at school or they will think the fairies do it! Feed them again around 6, bath time, bed time, more housework then, laptop in front of the TV till midnight when I go to bed.

Now all that may sound boring but it is comfortable and I've never been happier. With a bit of luck my effort will lead to success and future happiness. Anyway, thats an average weekday. The weekends is where it gets fun!!!

Jason’s adventure at Perth Sexpo 09 or How I went from sane adult to crazed pervert in 2.7 seconds.

A while ago I published this story on Contempt for Humanity. That site has been removed but with Sexpo only a couple of months away I wanted to warm up to it and re-publish this story. At the time the article was quite popular and well read. Re-reading it now just shows me how much my writing has progressed over the last two years. Anyway, please relive and enjoy my adventure at Sexpo. I hope to bring you more coverage and better access when Sexpo comes to Perth soon.

Entering Sexpo is just like entering any tradeshow: packed and overwhelming. You spend the first few minutes just trying to orientate: Where am I, where should I be going? You get sucked along with the crowd past the first of many, many sex stores displaying cheap wang-bong vibrators and poorly made R rated porn.

As I was heading in no particular direction, a nicely dressed (undressed?) woman handed me a free show bag filled with those glamourous trucker magazines The Picture and People, I think to make sure I had something to do with my hands. The bag came in handy later on, not really sure the mags will.

After 10 minutes I finally got to see breasts. 10 whole minutes? Had I been looking in the right places? This is Sexpo right, why does everybody have their tops on?

The breasts were attached to Harmony “porn star” Keisha Kane, who was selling the rights to have a picture taken with her while she displayed her acting talent by pretending to fuck you. With props within reach, Keisha was all too happy to place a fake cock on your groin and suck on it so patrons could go home with a picture sure to impress Grandma. Amused by this, I hung a round for a bit and watched the patrons pose for their photo.

Keisha seemed very accommodating and pleasant to everybody that met her - but I knew I could never have a photo like that featuring myself.

First of all, my wife wouldn’t approve, and future generations could suffer the consequences … plus - a Harmony porn star? Come on!

Still observing, I imagined Keisha talking like a roit chav eh.

“Cum ‘ere luv and grab me arrse! That’s it darlin’!”

If I wanted to watch naked Chavs go at it I would go hang outside Rob Kidman’s place.

Further down the hall (and after having a deep and meaningful with licensed area hot girl whose sole mission in life is to make me buy an $8 beer) we arrive at the back of a huge crowd. It’s actually the stage, where Penthouse Pet and world-renowned exotic dancer Suzie Q is starting her performance.

Suzie does an aerial performance that would be difficult for all but Olympic gymnasts - but she does it with her clothes off! Finally, after wandering the hall for 40 minutes my Sexpo adventure is starting and I feel excited to be there!

Reenergised, I start heading towards the back of that hall again stopping at the stalls, buying show bags and all the while flirting with the sales girls. Why? Because it’s Sexpo! You can’t help yourself! Once the moment has caught up with you it’s embrace it or go home! I even started rethinking my attitudes towards posing with Keisha.

After watching Keisha suck on a Dildo again my senses caught up and sanity prevailed. There will be no photo with Keisha and in fact I’m starting to wonder if Keisha is the anti-sexpo. How can a porn star rob me of the lust for Sexpo that I had not 2 minutes before?

My eyes catch another attraction.

Ride the Gerbil! Ride the fucking Gerbil! The Gerbil is like a Ghost Train for sex. In fact, I think they just bought a second hand ghost train and gave the ghosts hard-ons! After queuing up for 5 minutes and handing over your $4 (maybe the cheapest thing at Sexpo) you sit in the Gerbil and hold on to the handrail. My handrail was a set of boobs. My brother hung on to the cocks, but only because I made him - and since I was paying I thought it was only fair.

I don’t remember much about the Gerbil. It was very dark and hard to see but I’m pretty sure a robot cum on my face. It made spots on my glasses! Would have been nice to actually see more inside the ride but then again maybe not. I wouldn’t recommend the Gerbil not even at $4.

With two Sexpo setbacks I had to get the mojo back and fast! The most famous, not to be missed show at Sexpo is the Sexpo Showgirls and they were on in 15 minutes. Time to hit the stage!

Nice and early, I got a place right up the front and waited patiently. Patiently? Yeah right. The next 15 minutes was full of “Now what’s the time?” as my brother faithfully answered, “Two minutes since you last asked!” I stopped asking and used the clock on my phone instead. Every time I looked at my phone the picture of my 3 year old son stared back at me from the screen as if to say ‘Where are you Dad? Can I come?’ He would have liked Sexpo.

It’s 9.15 and Russell the-only-thing-I-ever-did-was-the-postie-on-The-Comedy-Company Gilbert takes to the stage with the requisite ‘RUSSELLLLL!!!’ from the bogans in the crowd. It’s time for the Showgirls!

The Showgirls are Jewell, Taylor and Trinity. Taylor and Trinity profess to be lesbian lovers in one of the trucker magazines. Lucky for us they found each other! The show is awesome. The most awesome thing at Sexpo, in fact the most awesome thing in Perth ever! Well worth the price of admission three times over. That’s when it happened. Camera blazing I went from sane adult to crazed pervert. The sort of crazed pervert I remember being at 16 years old but not since. Crazed and irrational.

Jewell is now my one and only and if the chance arose we would run off together and live happily ever after! What wife? What children? They are dead to me. I love Jewell and I’m sure with a bit of help, the sort of help found in the character of John Fowels’s book, The Collector, she would love me too!

The Showgirls perform to 3 songs – ending, quite amazingly, with Jewell receiving a bath from the other girls (including a “clean” that only a cat is used to in the privates!) Taylor then showered me with the water from the sponge. The perks of being up front!

After the show I only existed in 16-year-old crazy perve mode. Showgirl show bags are available from the side of the stage complete with a DVD of tonight’s performance and a picture with the girls. My girls. My Jewell!

I hurried. I may have pushed people over, but in my defence they shouldn’t have been in the way! I jumped in line.

“Here’s $30, $60 just take my fucking wallet, I don’t care!”

At this point I have no idea where my brother is. I left him behind. He could be dead for all I care. I’m going to meet Jewell! I later found out he was busy watching a silhouette of a couple fucking or making out or some such shit.

I wait in line.

The man running the stall is very protective of the girls, maybe too much. These girls were just on stage, swapping spit with a thousand cameras flashing at them, yet now that they are in the stall photography seems to be outlawed.

“Oi, put it away! You want a picture you pay!” he yells every time he sees a flash go off towards the girls. He seems tough but I’m sure I could take him if he gets inbetween my beloved Jewell and I!

My turn. I sit on a stool between the lovers and wrap my hands around their waist. Jewell sits in front. I think at this point I should mention that the 16-year-old perve is also a polite gentleman. I was shocked. I found myself using all my “please” and “thankyous” as I talk to the girls. It was uncontrollable yet the girls seemed to like it. It may have shocked them too. In the time it took for the camera to go click I was pushed along to a new line, autographs.

The girls take all the pictures for everyone in line then move down to the table to sign the trucker magazine and their poster. I wait patiently. In only moments I’m going to talk to Jewell and she is going to run away with me and we are going to have our happily ever after moment.

I wait in line.

Jewell talks to me, me! I love a girl who makes the first move!

“What’s your name sweetie?”

I melt.

Pause.

Shit, I have to talk.

“Jason.”

She starts personalising a copy of her poster for me.

“How’s your day been?”

A second question. This is my way in. This is my time to tell her everything!

“Er….”

I squeak.

“Gre…great.”

“That’s awesome honey. This is Jason.”

Jewell tells the other girls my name. Taylor says something but I don’t hear her. I have stopped listening. I feel myself shuffle away from Jewell. At the end of the desk I am given my posters and told to wait again for my photo. The moment has passed. I have lost her forever.

When the photos are done Trinity comes out to the crowd and hands them out. I never see Jewell again.

I find my brother staring at the porno silhouettes and ask him if there is anything else he would like to do. We head towards the one place we haven’t been, The Laporium. Is that even a word?

The Laporium is just a sleazy strip joint inside the hall. It’s dark, smelly and creepy, just like a real strip joint. I pay the cover charge for both of us, $20, before we enter and find a chair.

On stage is a sweaty girl with no attractive features wriggling around on the floor like she is having an epileptic fit. I start wondering if anyone is going to help her or if I should call an ambulance. No one seems to be worried so I don’t either.

Moments later we are approached by a girl who starts gyrating on the bench in front of us. She is drenched with sweat and has a smell I don’t recognise. Her eyes told us that she was under the influence of something and it wasn’t alcohol.

She grabs my brother’s leg. I have trouble making out the conversation over the noise.

“What’s your name?”

“Daniel.”

“I can give you a dance.”

“Ur…”

I should say that sometimes, Daniel sounds like Butthead from MTV’s Beavis and Butthead. I don’t think it’s intentional but if it is he is really good at it.

“Ur….I don’t have any money.”

“But you’re at Sexpo, you have money! $40!”

She licks her finger and runs it down her body till it finally finds her crotch where it lingers. That’s when she looks to me.

“What’s your name?”

I try not to answer. She doesn’t give up.

“How about $50 for both.”

“No we are fine. Thank you.”

She leaves and I breathe a sigh of relief. I ask my brother if he wants to leave the Laporium. He answers by making for the door.

I bathe in the neon light and fresh air that waits outside The Laporium. I look up, maybe to thank the Lord for getting me out of such an awful place and I see the big screen for the stage is gearing up for the next performance, the amateur strip.

The amateur strip is open to anyone who wants to take his or her clothes off in front of the crowd. There are only two rules. The crowd is not allowed to boo and the strippers don’t need to take off their underwear.

The girls are first up. Russell takes up his MC duties and goes down the line of contestants.

“What’s your name?”

“Chantel!!!!! Whoooo!!!”

“Hey alright!. What do you do Chantel?”

“Hair dresser!!!! Yeah!!!!!!!”

Chantel has brought a friend, it seems, because the next girl is also a hairdresser. Russell uses this as an opportunity to show the crowd why he hasn’t been on TV for 20 years.

“I went to the hairdresser once and asked for an Elvis cut. The hairdresser shaved off all my hair! I said oi, this isn’t how Elvis wore his hair to which the hairdresser replied. It would be if he fucken had his hair cut here!”

Oh why isn’t The Comedy Company still on TV?! It made me laugh when I was eight!

The girls get a couple of minutes to strip. I was really excited that the girl who was not really fat but had enough crevasses on her front to lose M&M’s and such had enough of a positive body image to strip in front of everyone. I wish I had that confidence!

Eventually a winner is picked through the impartial, “audience applause” method, while the girls who lost immediately show remorse across their faces. Some even go so far as to cover themselves with their arms even though only moments before they were dancing like ladettes just before closing. The winner received a bag of goodies from Adult Shop apparently worth $200. Not really worth whoring yourself up on stage for, granted, but the audience had fun and that’s all that matters in show business.

The guys go next and Russell doesn’t disappoint.

“What’s you name?”

“Christian.”

“Ur huh”

Russell starts giggling at the joke he’s about to tell.

“I didn’t ask about your religion, I said what’s your name!”

“Christian.”

It becomes obvious Christian doesn’t get the joke. Russell wants to explain it to him.

“No, ur I said what’s your name and you said Christian like the church!”

“Oh”

“Yeah, get it! What do you do for a job?”

“Painter”

“Yeah well its obvious you have been sniffing too many of those fumes!”

Russell moves on.

Eventually the guys strip down to the jocks and reveal novelty jocks available from one of the stores. A winner is named and the rest show the same remorse as the women from before. They leave the stage wondering if they lost because they have a small penis.

With that we ended our night. In the end it turned out to be a lot of fun. If I had to pick some faults it would be that all the show bags were basically the same, not enough credit card facilities and taking a bulldozer to the Laporium would be nice. Also a few more topless girls and for WA to change it’s laws on X rated movies so the Sexpo can sell porn worth watching.

I’ll end with the picture of me with the Sexpo Showgirls. The love of my life in down in front.

I prefer Gnu

I love how I can stick out in the minds of the people I meet, unfortunately I don't think about others as much as they do about me. I hadn't thought about this guy at all till this was brought to my attention today. As far as I knew we were all friends till I was uninvited from his wife's birthday party, even though I had got her an $80 gift. I'm not worried but, to this day, I don't know why Dan feels such hate.

This tweet was in reference to Téa Smith who, while out with my children, was bullied by a few with too much time and a bored Saturday night to fill.